TinyUnicorn

Why me....

I have a lot things to say right now, but I dunno where to start.
Sekarang hidup sya betul2 mengingatkan saya peristiwa yang sya betul2 mao elak dalam hidup saya. Perkara yang berlaku di tahun 2012 berulang balik.
A situation where I was being left again. I don't know why so sudden he became like that. Sejak Jumaat yang lalu. Is it because of the election fever? hell non-sense.
He said that I was so hard to trust and cheating behind him. What. I've never done such thing to him. I admit that I've been lying to him and that thing is already over.
That is just because I've been contacting other guys and he felt that I was so easy going with them. But that doesn't make me fall for any of them.
I was just throwing out those boredom i felt since he left me.
And that is when I know the reason why. He said he was having a hard time to have a commitment that time.
Okay, I understand. But what makes my heart torn into a million pieces is when I found out that he was staying with his ex, SF.
But it's okay. I forgave him for that, but surely won't forget about it. Never. Even thou' I really wanna say it and mention it back to him so damn hard so he knows how I felt all this time! Anger, suffocated, dying, stressful and bla3 so many things going on my head that time!

But I can't blame him. It's was my fault too for doing that to him. If I was at his place, I will feel the same thing too.
Who would want the person that we love and care to chat with other people,right? I wasn't saying that we need to control them all the time. But in a Relationship, that was a normal thing, right?
He should have known better what has he's been doing behind my back too. Staying with that girl not for 2/3 days, but almost a week? What Am I to you??
I was trying to be a better girlfriend to you, or maybe, a better soul'mate. But why did this thing happened to me??
Why can I just have a normal relationship like others?? I'm not complaining with what I have now. But still, I keep on shut things behind my own back? Do you know how hard it was to do things like that?? huh??
You have NO IDEA! Seriously, NO IDEA!

When will you realize that I was still waiting for you here? In silent? Can you do that?? NO! cause you have no clues at all! Its hard being a girl, you know? Am I just a stupid 20 years old girl to you? Is that what you think?? Hey, I just want you to understand me, like how I was trying to understand you. You have a special personality. And I think that what makes me wanna get close to you more, even thou' it was so hard to get to you.
You know how hard you are, right? You've a short memory, but still very careful. And ya, ko memang cerewet la. huhu. Hey, i like that character of you. :)

Sekarang neh saya bagi ko ruang untuk have your own time. Saya tdak mau ko fed-up dengan saya. Saya betul2 tidak mau kehilangan kau Ajin. Kau lah lelaki pertama dan terakhir untuk sya. Jodoh memang di tangan tuhan, tapi kalau saya berusaha, saya yakin yang jodoh saya tu, kau. Paling lama lah relation saya dengan kau. 1years 8months. Saya tau ko lagi ada relation yang lebih lama. But hey, bagi saya it was like a million years. And I still counting the days. I just really want you to know that I still wait for you. Maybe someday, you'll understand me, maybe? I can wait. Yeah! I will always wait for you, Ajin. Don't make me give up on you. I admit that sometimes I've already reached my limit the time we fought. But I kept on going and always forgive you. It is so hard to do so. But when it comes to you, everything seems okay, yea, I know I can pass through this.

Tu yang selalu saya bagitahu hati saya. "Bertahan selagi kau mampu, enna". Saya bangga juga lah sebab biar lepas apa kau buat belakang sya slama neh pon, saya masih bole kc maaf and terima kau. Saya selalu minta maaf dengan kau. Bukan bermakna saya tahu kau selalu akan kasi maaf saya. kau pun ada had limit kau sendiri, saya pun bgtu juga. Saya even pernah kasi malu diri saya sendiri depan kau, supaya ko terima saya. Saya bukan obsess atau terdesak dengan kau. Banyak lagi lelaki di luar yg also tunggu saya terima dorang. Tapi saya betul2 tidak dapat kasi lepas kau. Selama saya dengan kau lah sya kenal and tau dunia luar macam mna. Banyka kenangan yang kau bagi sama saya Ajin. Sangat banyak..
Saya pernah mimpi yang kita travel neh dunia sama2. Best :) And yang paling cute tu, saya mimpi yang kita ada kluarga sudah :) With our 1st daughter, Rienna. Kau yg bagi tu nama, ingat? Kau gabung nama kau,'Rien' and nama saya 'Enna' and it became 'Rienna'. You've always liked that name, kan? Before we met pon kau ada cakap yang kau mau kasi nama ur daughter Rienna. And then we met. You said that kita memang ada jodoh sama2. Those things makes me smile.

God, please do give me strength to pass all this. Amin.~

Right now I need to focus more on my study. Yea, I've decided to continue my studies. Hope I can enter the University. I've chosen UMS, taking Sarjana Muda Seni Visual dan Teknologi. Really hope I can get it. But IF i dont get it, I'll try to apply to UiTM. Taking the same course. So wish me luck in my life, and my study. :)

***I Love You, Ajin. Will always do..